Howdy Y'all,

I hope festivities for the holiday's went well for you, and that this year of 2009 is proving well so far for you. For me it is proving a great adventure in growth of self-awareness. As some things about myself which I had often viewed simply as my quirks, and even as my few strengths. These have been brought to my attention recently by both family and colleagues in assessments of me, for mine and my current company's personnel director's attention that have revealed to me these are actually faults I must correct.


1. I need to ask.

By this I don't mean there is something I must ask for assistance with. (Actually, there is but that shall fall on other another set of ears in the near future.) But that I must not fear the simple act of asking. I may do my best not to be inappropriate when it comes to whatever subject. However it's more so a matter of fearing my timing to inquire.


2. Do Right Now, not Do Right.

One factor which circles near all of the musketeers is OCD. Fortunately nowhere near as bad as Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory. However what comes in handy for technical problem solving and general housework. Does not work for most positions I've held over the last 3 years. Because contrary to what is often taught in school is wrong in the business world. I'm not talking about the core of the subjects but a work doctrine placed into the minds of children subtlely. "Do Right."

Now we have all heard growing up to do right. Whether it is to do right by our parents, or teachers. To do right by the law of man and God. And to do right for yourself and all you love. However one thing we all try to do right for our careers, but one thing not often taught properly is how to do right for your company.

Which is one thing many like I did not learn properly. Which has caused me over these last few years to either go bouncing from one position to another or to simply settle for anything that allows me to float. It is finally today I've learned in good part what those HR reports about me meant.

Because I have heard again & again only one true complaint about my work wherever I've held employment these last 3 years. I'm too slow. Given how my various positions held different environments I simply adjusted to them as best I could. Though obviously not to managements satisfaction.

My current manager(Ellie) brought it up today before our district manager(Pat), something she never brought to my attention before hand. Though he had when he transferred me to this department 2 months ago but not in a fashion I fully understood until today. When all of us were in discussion together about me.

Hearing Ellie discuss her only true complaint being the time I take to complete standard morning tasks when opening. Average 45min. For me the only true cause for delay is having to set these tasks to the side because of being called to action dealing with numerous clients alone. Though I brought this to Pat's attention, Ellie gave me the compliment of me being most thorough of anyone else in our department. I then stated a simple fact it's because I go over these tasks thrice to correct it as much as possible. Pat then stated that is were my fault with time is made. They are not seeking perfection but simply completion. For it to be done not to done best possibly.

It was then I realized it is merely expedience not meticulousness my employers seek. Unlike the inverse being what my teachers called for.


3. Share.

I'm not talking about sharing food, clothes, or a ride. Those who've gotten the pleasure of knowing me realtime know I already do so. But one thing I've barely done since my baby sister's death is simply to share my concerns, thoughts, or simply random ideas that have popped into my head.

Which is one thing my youngest uncle B, I consider a big brother, and my bestfriend Ayo(pronounced IO), whom I consider my little brother, both confronted me at different times following me having another seizure literally two weeks ago. About a trait I took from my Mom and that is not speaking about my concerns because so not to cause stress to those I love. But it was speaking with the two of them I realized how this lack of communication, mistakenly built up an invisible wall which needed to fall like the one that once splintered Berlin.

Now I simply ask for a prayer that this following week I convince my bosses to keep me, so I can continue paying for my medicine; and that I continue working on these quirks. I find rolling backwards annoying.